Hello, Sweetie
by TheGreatIntelligence
Summary: <html><head></head>A collection of one-shots between River and Eleven, ranging from fluffy to smutty, because there's not enough of these out there.</html>
1. Lipstick

The Doctor woke groggily, trying to figure out where he was. The last thing he remembered was giving River a quick kiss on the lips while picking her up for their date. That's when he realized that he was handcuffed to something.

His mind suddenly woke up at this realization and he tugged on them in panic, then finding out that they were attached to the headboard of his bed. But how had he gotten in his bedroom? And where had his clothes gone?

"Oh, you're so cute when you panic," River's voice came from across the room. The Doctor looked over and found his wife posing with a hand on her hip in the doorway, only wearing black lace undergarments that barely covered anything. The Doctor felt a flush of anger.

"River, what did you do to me?"

She sauntered over to the edge of the bed, purposefully swaying her hips to and fro. "Oh, nothing yet, Doctor. I was waiting till you woke up."

"So, you drugged me?" He tugged on the handcuffs again, but there didn't seem to be a way for him to get out of them.

"Of course. You should be wary of me when I'm wearing lipstick."

_I'm such an idiot! _Of course the Doctor had noticed her lipstick, and of course he had been too excited for the date to think anything of it.

"We were going to go on a date! I was going to take you to see the birth of a star!" He was frustrated now. He knew what his wife intended, but couldn't that have waited till after the beauty he wanted them to witness together? Sometimes she could be so impatient.

"Which we can always see another time." River crawled onto the bed, moving in the best ways to accentuate her form. The Doctor's frustration was suddenly forgotten.

River pointedly eyed his manhood, which was now held in a firm erection.

"I knew you'd come around." She reached out with a hand and stroked him, her touch delicate and teasing. The Doctor gasped at the sensation, arching his hips a little, wishing for more, and excited for what was to come.

Hand still grasping his member, River came over and settled herself next to him, breasts pressed against his side, lips tantalizingly close to his ear.

"Is this okay for a date, sweetie?" she whispered, fingers gripping him a little tighter. The Doctor breathed a soft moan.

"Of course it is."

The Doctor hissed out a breath through his teeth as River's fingers worked their way up his shaft to the tip, then slowly made their way back down. She was watching his face intently, studying his reactions, and that only increased his arousal and want for her. Her hand steadily increased speed as it went up and down, and the Doctor couldn't find his voice, gasping at the pleasure she was giving him and the sweet fire of lust and need that he felt burning in his nerves. He couldn't help being disappointed when her hand stopped and trailed up his stomach, then to his chest, stroking circles across his skin.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back, breathing heavily as the need for his wife raced through him. River trailed light, longing kisses over the curve of his ear.

"I love it when you get hot for me. I can just feel it coming off your skin."

The Doctor opened his eyes and looked at her. Her dark eyes were gleaming.

"River, if I wasn't handcuffed-" He tried to twist towards her to prove his point- "This bed would be jealous of you."

"You see, sweetie? That's why you're handcuffed. We get to have more fun this way."

"But-"

"Oh, you dirty man," she said, climbing on top of her him while shaking her head, curls flying everywhere. "Can't be patient, can you?"

The Doctor gasped when her knickers rubbed against his cock, and River just smiled, rolling her hips towards him.

"River, this is absolute torture." The need that he felt burning deep down was on the verge of driving him wild.

"Oh, that's the point." She slithered downwards until she was nestled between his thighs, then took him into her hands again. "It's ever so fun to make you beg."

"I'm not going to -" The Doctor's words were interrupted by a moan that he couldn't keep back. River's tongue was running up and down, and she was looking at him with so much lust in her eyes that he could hardly take it.

"Beg…" He finished with a pleased sigh, eyes sliding closed. He wished he had his hands free so he could curl his fingers in her luscious hair, gently direct her head to where he most wanted her touch. Of course she knew every little spot that would drive him crazy, but she was intentionally avoiding any of them.

River planted kisses all along his shaft, fingers tickling his thighs. "You sure?" The vibration of her voice on his flesh nearly made him shiver.

The Doctor refused to answer, and this warranted another lick that made him give a breathless cry. The pleasure in his hyper-sensitive nerves felt so good, and he wanted more, wanted to be filled with it until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, River, this feels so good," he breathed, bucking his hips up a little, knocking into her lips. The only response he got to that was a kiss. After a while of nothing happening, he opened his eyes and peered at her questioningly. "What is it?"

"Just waiting. Perhaps your voice will join your body in begging." An attractive smirk curled her lips.

"I'm not begging in any way, shape, or form."

"Darling, you're practically shaking with excitement," River said, giving another lick that made him gasp. She smirked at him again, tongue flicking out to rove up and down his shaft. The pleasure in the wet touch of her mouth heaved a moan from his lips.

River sighed, breath wrapping around him. "Oh, I was so glad when I found out I wasn't going to be the only loud one in this relationship."

"And what do you mean by that?" The Doctor could barely think through the desire clouding his brain.

"You positively _scream _when we fuck."

"Do you have to use that word? Let's say something a little more classy, like, making love, bonding, sleeping toge- Oh!" The Doctor's sentence turned into an exclamation of pleasure as River took him into her mouth. She bobbed her head up and down, still looking at him with those sparkling eyes of hers. He groaned, thrusting himself up into her mouth. This earned him a slap in the thigh, the sudden burning parting his lips in a gasp.

"Now, now, sweetie, I'm the one in control, got it?" She gave him another lick. "And this is anything but classy."

"I know. It's just, mmm…" River had continued her ministrations with her mouth, slowly taking him in all the way. The Doctor often wondered how she did that. He'd tried with a few men before, but had inadvertently turned into a choking, gagging mess.

"Oh, yes, River! Right there! Oh, that feels so good!" He tried bucking up into her again, but River placed her hands firmly on his hips and gave him a warning look, teeth coming out to gently nip him. He gave a cry, body unconsciously trying to twist away from this torturous pleasure, but River and the handcuffs held him in place.

His wife continued to suck him, hands running over his body, gasps and moans running unabated from his mouth. The Doctor felt like he was on fire, but it was the best fire he had ever experienced.

He felt an instant of disappointment as River drew her head back, but it quickly vanished as she climbed on top of him, hands going to the clasp of her bra.

"Oh, I bet you wish you had your hands free," she teased, slowly taking it off and tossing it aside. Each movement made her large breasts bounce in the most tantalizing ways. The Doctor found himself tugging at his handcuffs again. He wanted to touch them, to squeeze and pinch and caress her soft flesh.

"It's okay, darling. You can use that gorgeous mouth of yours instead."

The Doctor began to protest, but River leaned over him, hands pressed into his shoulders, chest in full reach of his mouth. It was too much. He just couldn't help himself. His tongue came out and licked each of her nipples in turn, and River's breath hitched as they tightened into pearly little crests. He trailed open-mouthed kisses over both her breasts, breath hot and heaving on her skin. Then he licked his way in between them, River breathing a soft moan of pleasure and bringing herself closer to him. The Doctor latched onto her left nipple and sucked gingerly, tongue rolling over the sensitive flesh. He lost contact with a gasp and a tilt of his head as River grinded her hips against his cock.

"Come on, sweetie. You're not done yet."

"River, you are _so _evil." The Doctor brought his mouth to her right nipple and closed his eyes, moaning against her skin as she continued to grind against him.

"Oh, I know." She sounded terribly pleased with herself.

The Doctor pulled back and looked into her eyes, mouth open with unending gasps.

"R-River, can I be inside you now?"

"I don't know, darling. Should I let you? Or is there something else you haven't done for me?"

"P-Please?"

"Not just yet."

The Doctor wanted to cry out in frustration when River climbed off of him and stood to the side of the bed. She rolled her hips at him as she began to pull off her knickers, and he found himself panting in excitement. He licked his lips once she was fully naked in front of him. Oh, but his wife was beautiful. Her skin was smooth and flawless, her muscles finely toned, the curves of her body in all the right places. He couldn't speak, his mouth having gone dry.

"God, but I love the look you get in your eyes when you want me." River's voice was husky, and she began to climb on top of him again, hips positioned above his face. "Come on, dear. You know what I want."

The Doctor was happy to slide his mouth over the most sensitive part of her body. She gasped at his touch and took ahold of the headboard. Her reaction only encouraged him, and he flicked her clit with his tongue, then ran it in all the right places. River's pleased moan was the sweetest sound to his ears, and he quickly gave her more of what she wanted, eager to hear the sound again. She was quickly becoming wet, and he lapped up any liquid as if he was parched.

River arched her back and gave a cry. "Oh, Doctor! Where did you get such a sweet tongue?"

"Practice," he murmured against her skin, slowly kissing her up and down. He teased his tongue around the edges of her opening, but refused to go in.

"_Sweetie…_"

"You did this to me, River. Come on, let's play fair." He licked around her opening again, and her body quivered at his touch.

River suddenly slid down the Doctor's body and tightly gripped his hair, wrenching his head back. Her eyes were murderous and lustful all at the same time.

"I hate playing fair."

And then she kissed him. It wasn't a sweet kiss. It was rough, like she was trying to show dominance, and the Doctor instinctively fought back. River got his bottom lip in her teeth and she bit hard enough to draw blood. He found the metallic taste in his mouth a massive turn on, and he flicked out his tongue to lick her perfect teeth. She growled low in her throat and locked her lips perfectly with his, tongue invading his mouth. He tried to do the same to her, but she always countered his movements perfectly. The Doctor nearly got the upper hand when he bit gently at her tongue, but then her nails pierced the skin of his left shoulder, one of the most sensitive parts of a Time Lord's body. He gave a cry into River's mouth and found himself going limp underneath her, pain racing through his nerves. It was a sweet pain somehow, a pain that aroused him even more.

River removed her mouth from his and pulled his head back to expose his throat. Her lips kissed hungrily all over his neck, and the Doctor was left breathing heavily, unable to do anything because of her nails still in his shoulder. He inwardly cursed the day she'd found out about that extremely sensitive nerve cluster there, which she, only part Time Lord, didn't seem to have.

River's nails came out of his skin, instantly replaced with her mouth. The Doctor moaned at the pleasure that was now replacing the pain. It raced through his body relentlessly, and he wanted it to stop at the same time that he wanted it to continue.

"It's such a wonderful thing that you have this, sweetie," River murmured, kissing his shoulder one last time. "It lets me do whatever I want to you."

The Doctor panted in excitement as he realized where her hips were. River smiled at him, then slowly lowered herself onto his manhood. He felt like he was going to die after finally reaching that satisfaction, head tossed back, a loud moan pouring from his mouth. River joined her voice with his. At least she hadn't been lying when she had told him that she was loud.

"Ugh, Doctor, you feel so good." River was slowly rolling her hips in a circle. The Doctor grunted as he tried pushing himself further into her. He had to admit that he didn't always like this position. For one, it didn't put him in absolute control, and for two, it was always more strenuous to have sex this way. Gravity wasn't a friend to those on the bottom.

With a moan, River lifted herself up and came back down, grinding herself even farther down onto him, leaving him gasping, unable to find his voice. Maybe this position wasn't so bad, not when River knew exactly what she was doing. She had her hands on his hips to steady herself, mostly keeping him from thrusting up into her. The slow pace she was taking was just as agonizing as it was pleasuring. The burning friction between the two of them forced a groan out of his mouth, a sound that she responded to in earnest.

"You going to pick up the pace anytime soon?" the Doctor asked, voice strained as he tried to keep a moan from escaping.

"Maybe if you promise to scream for me." River's voice sounded like she was greatly enjoying herself.

"_Oh…_" The Doctor let his head fall back and he closed his eyes, hissing out breath through his teeth. What she was doing to him felt so _good._

"Let's have a contest," he grunted. He gasped, back arching a little as she came down on him again. "Whoever screams the loudest wins."

River gave a moan before responding. "How about, whoever screams _last _wins? That sounds fun."

"Okay," the Doctor agreed. "But anything else doesn't count as a loss. Only an all-out scream does."

"Fair enough."

"But I'm still handcuffed. That can't be fair, not when you have your hands."

"Fine." River came off of him for a moment, pulling a pin from her hair and using it to release the handcuffs. She made picking locks look extremely easy.

"What happened to the key?" the Doctor asked out of curiosity. Lust had made his voice lower than usual.

"Lost it." She breathed a heavy sigh as she came back down onto him. The Doctor quickly tossed the handcuffs aside, not bothering about his sore wrists, and tightly grasped her hips, trying to keep her elevated a bit so that he would have room to thrust. Her hands gripped his wrists, nails digging into his skin, and she bit her lip as she tossed her head back, breathing heavily through her nose. He was grunting as he worked his way up into her, trying to keep his noise level to a minimum. At the moment, with his body alight with sexual pleasure, it felt like the hardest thing he had ever done.

River pried his hands off of her hips and held them above his head, coming down to bite him on the left shoulder. The Doctor gasped loudly, then gritted his teeth. The pain in his nerves forced his body to go slack, currently leaving him to the mercy of his wife.

She had none.

She pounded onto him ferociously, teeth still in his shoulder, hands running up and down his limp arms. The Doctor forced himself to breathe deeply in and out, but those soon turned into moans. He almost lost it when River kissed him instead of biting him, but the absence of pain gave him an opportunity. He flipped them both over so that he was looming over her, hands tangled in her hair. River gave a quiet cry of surprise before remembering to bite her lip again.

The Doctor brought his mouth to her breasts to keep his noises from growing too loud, working his hips as fast and hard as he could. River was whimpering loudly through her teeth and he was panting and moaning against her skin. He somehow managed to quiet himself as he bit hard at her left nipple. She gave a gasp of surprise and arched her whole body into him, groaning loudly, nails clawing at his back.

He lifted himself slightly off of her, one hand sliding all the way down her chest and stomach to accompany his hips in pleasuring her, fingers rolling around her clit. The other hand took her right breast in a firm grip. He found himself whimpering in pleasure behind his teeth as he continued. River's moans were growing louder and more high pitched. She was on the verge of screaming. He was going to win.

And then, right as she climaxed, she twisted her head to the side and bit hard at one of the pillows on the bed, squeezing her eyes shut. Her pleased scream was muffled by the fabric, and the Doctor felt disappointed. That didn't count. She hadn't had her mouth open.

River didn't release the pillow until she had come off her high. When she did, she grabbed his hands, tore his grip away from her, and rolled so that she was once again on top. The Doctor almost gave a cry of surprise, but managed to turn it into a gasp. He couldn't lose.

"That was a close one, sweetie," River gasped out. "But I'm going to win, got it?"

"No you're not!" The Doctor rolled again, and the two fell off the bed, rolling once again. He still ended up on the bottom, but on the floor this time.

The Doctor saw sweat pop out on River's skin as she pumped herself up and down. He grabbed at her breasts and pinched at her nipples, hoping she would make an exclamation of her pain. They never said that it had to be a scream of pleasure.

She remained silent except for a few moans, tossing her head back and continuing to crash down into him. The pleasure running through the Doctor's nerves was making his hands go weak, and he trailed them down to her hips, taking a loose grip with his fingers. His brain was clouded with the fire raging from his core, and he almost gave in right then and there, but then he had the brilliant idea to hold his breath.

It wasn't usually hard for him to hold his breath - he could usually stand not breathing for about fifteen minutes if he had to - but in the midst of this, it was extremely difficult, and soon, it was starting to hurt his lungs.

River was giving him a cruel smirk, lips held into a tight line. Her hands ran up to his still chest.

"_Breathe, _sweetie."

Her voice was so perfect; he couldn't help it. The Doctor heaved out a loud breath, took a deep one in, let another one out. Each one turned into a moan as his muscles began tightening, as his body was reaching the peak of its pleasure.

His body wouldn't allow him to remain silent as River's walls tightened around him. In a completely involuntary reaction, his head went back and a scream passed his lips as he came inside of her. His voice increased in volume when the orgasm hit its final, burning peak. And then he went limp under River, breathing heavily.

His wife moaned loudly in satisfaction, then laid herself on top of him, seemingly comfortable with leaving him motionless inside her body.

"I win."

"Next time, whoever screams the loudest wins."

"Got it. I'll still win that."

"Not if I can help it."

"Oh, you can try, sweetie. You can try."


	2. Doing It Right

"River, will you marry me?"

River just looked down at her husband quizzically and laughed. He was down on one knee, a ring with an all-too large diamond held in his hands.

"Sweetie, we're already married!"

"I know, but-" the Doctor frowned and stood. "I didn't do it right. I never got time to propose. We didn't even have a proper wedding!"

"But we didn't have _time,_" River stressed.

"You didn't know we were getting married until we were halfway through the ceremony!" The Doctor looked crestfallen.

"True…" River was starting to think that maybe doing it properly would be a good idea, but she was already married to him, and happy about it.

The Doctor held the ring up. River just shook her head.

"What do you mean no?" He dropped his arms, looking insulted, mouth gaping.

"I don't mind that you didn't do it properly the first time," River told him.

"Of course you do! You're River Song! You want _everything _done properly! Well… Properly your way."

River just laughed again. "Alright," she agreed with a smile. The look of happiness on the Doctor's face made her glad she had said it. He came forward and kissed her, slipping the ring onto her left hand at the same time.

"And we'll have to get wedding rings too," he said, pulling away.

"And are we going to have a wedding?"

"Of course we are, darling." The Doctor did a little twirl, then skipped over to the monitor. "We should start planning."

"So, we're engaged and married at the same time?" River asked in clarification, coming over.

"Yes, I guess we are."

River pouted theatrically. "Does that mean that we can't have sex?"

"Oh, don't be silly, Dr. Song." He tapped her on the nose and she jumped. "Of course we can't. Not till the wedding night."

"But, _Doctor!_" River complained. "We've already had sex!"

"You can wait, can't you?"

River just smirked. "Can you?"

The Doctor smiled back. "I'll do my very best, because this time, I want to do it right. No getting married in the middle of a battle, no lack of being engaged, and no shagging beforehand!"

River groaned in frustration. "You're so irritating sometimes."

"And you're not?"

"Oh, come on, sweetie. You like it when I'm annoying."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and brought his focus back to the monitor. "Where should we have it? Oh! There's a planet with crystals everywhere, and there's another one where the ocean makes music, and another where-"

"We could get married right on the TARDIS," River suggested.

The Doctor stopped and looked at her as if she had gone crazy.

"You want to have a wedding in this old thing?!"

"I'm pretty sure she heard that," River said in slight amusement.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "But why here? There's a million cool places we can go and you want to stay in here?"

"Well, I kind of like the TARDIS," River started saying. "She _is _the reason I'm part Time Lord."

"Don't bring that up," the Doctor said. He shuddered a little. "I don't even want to know what she was doing with Amy and Rory. And besides, it's not Time Lord; it's Gallifreyan. Time Lord is a title."

"That you earned or just took upon yourself?" River arched her eyebrows at him.

"Oi! Stop trying to change the topic!"

"Alright, alright. Is it going to be a fun wedding?"

"If you want it to be."

_Oh, Doctor, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into. _River had always wanted some sort of extravagant wedding. She had been disappointed when no such thing had happened between her and the Doctor, though she was still happy about their marriage, but now he was giving her a chance to have the wedding that she wanted.

"Well, there's going to be lots of balloons, and music, and…" She paused looking him over. "What kind of alcohol do you drink? Funny. I don't even know."

"That's because I _don't _drink," the Doctor said, all his attention on her. He had swung the monitor away from him and stood with his hands clasped in front of him, fingers fiddling around in a look of anxious energy.

River frowned, but went back to it.

"And I'll need a dress, and you'll need a suit."

"But I already have a suit!"

"That old thing that you wore to Amy and Rory's wedding? _Sure._"

The Doctor stalked dramatically up to her and pointed his finger at her face. "Are you being sarcastic about my suit?"

"Wouldn't _dream _of it," River stated with a shake of her head, making her voice silky.

"There it was again!"

"Mmm… You've got good ears, darling."

"Stop teasing me."

"Make me." She found herself winking at him.

The Doctor didn't say anything in reply, but he moved so fast that River felt a moment of shock. One instant he was just standing in front of her, and the next he had his lips crushed into hers with his hands in her hair. She clasped her hands around the back of his neck and responded to his pressing rhythm. God, but her husband was a good kisser!

To her disappointment, he pulled away, then searched her eyes.

"Are you sure you want a wedding?"

"Of course I'm sure. Now-" she tossed her hair - "Make your lips useful."

"But we have to plan! We have to think of guests, and get clothes, and-"

"Planning can wait, can't it sweetheart?" River interrupted, curving her lips enticingly. She knew exactly how to get her husband… fiancé, to do what she wanted.

The Doctor looked like he wanted to protest, then glanced at her lips, brought his eyes back up to hers.

"It can. Just want to make sure we do it right this time."

"We'll do it as right as you can do it."

River brought him back into a kiss.


	3. After Party

"Oh, did you take us to a nice party?" River asked, giving a little bounce beside the Doctor. She had changed out of her wedding dress into a much shorter one. He found himself staring at her legs before answering.

"I suppose. It's a popular club on some planet that I've visited a few times before." The Doctor looked at the monitor to make sure that he had gotten it right. "It's a lot of fun."

River laughed. "You? Clubbing? You don't even drink! Bartender! I'd like some milk, please!"

"Oh, shut up." The Doctor took her by the arm and the two of them left the TARDIS. He was dressed in a blue button up shirt and slacks. River had pulled off his bow tie, saying that he didn't need it to look nice, which bothered him. His neck felt bare and exposed without it.

The TARDIS was parked outside a one-story building that had lights flashing through the windows. He could feel the music pounding from inside even though he was about twenty feet away. River smiled at him, seeming excited.

"This is interesting for a reception after a wedding," she commented as they started walking across the lot towards the building. There were odd vehicles and other spaceships parked in the lot, and he frowned when he realized that the TARDIS was on the line in between spaces, taking up part of both.

"Oh, don't worry about it," River said, noticing his glance. She gave a tug on his arm and quickened her pace, heels clicking on the pavement.

"River, how are you going to dance in those shoes?" the Doctor asked, looking down at her feet. His ankles hurt looking at them.

"I'll manage. Come on." She somehow skipped over to the door, pulling him along, and pushed it open.

The interior of the club was dark except for the multicolored lights that flashed from the ceiling. There was a long bar on one side, and the dance floor was crowded with all different kind of species.

"This is definitely my kind of place!" River shouted to him.

_Don't you think this would be easier? _the Doctor asked telepathically, slipping gently into her mind. He didn't let all of himself in. He didn't want to hurt her.

_I guess, _River responded. They'd communicated like this a few times before. _Let's go dance!_

She tugged the Doctor into the middle of the dance floor, shoving past alien couples that seemed to be dancing as well. Some of them did it quite strangely.

River gave a little shout of excitement and threw her arms up in the air, shaking her hips back and forth.

_Come on, Doctor! You don't look enthusiastic!_

_I've been told I can't dance._

_Just do it! It'll be fun!_

At that, the Doctor grabbed onto River's arms and swung her around with him. She laughed as the two of them swayed and hopped and spun to the tempo.

_You're doing fine!_

_Would you like me to bring out my signature move?_

River gave him a mocking glare at this. _No. No, I wouldn't._

In the next minute or so, the Doctor found himself tripping over his feet, nearly crashing into other dancers. River managed to save him from knocking down a four-armed couple who were entwined in the strangest of ways. The Doctor stopped and raised his eyebrows in incredulity.

_Really? Here?_

"Doctor, what are they doing?" River asked aloud, still studying the two. "I don't understand what's going on."

"Well, that's how their species has-" River suddenly clamped a hand over his mouth and began talking telepathically again. _Don't explain that. _She gave the two one last look, seeming creeped out, and dragged the Doctor away from them. He realized that those two weren't the only couple engaging in things that were inappropriate in public.

_Uh, River, I think I took us to the wrong place._

_Nonsense! Maybe it's just allowed here!_

_Mmhmm… It's making me uncomfortable._

_Aww, your poor little _innocent _mind. _River gave him a smirk to go with her sarcasm. _Let's go get some drinks._

Together, they made their way over to the bar, the Doctor rather reluctantly. He wondered if there were any non-alcoholic beverages. He hadn't actually asked about it the times he'd been here before. Or maybe he hadn't even been here before? He couldn't help looking back at the dance floor with a little bit of disgust.

"What can I get you two?" The bartender was surprisingly a human man, bald and thickly built. He probably doubled up as the bouncer.

"I'll take a glass of the First Kiss," River said. She glanced over at the Doctor and winked at him. "And he'll take the Blue Mars Striker."

"But, River!" the Doctor protested as the bartender leaned down and got two wine glasses out from under the counter. He took a couple of bottles down from the shelf behind him and began to mix the drinks.

"Oh, come on, sweetie, you like this one, don't you?"

"No. I told you, I don't drink."

"You have before." Her voice was teasing, hinting at a secret.

"River, what did you do to me and how many times have you done it?" She'd secretly given him alcohol before?

She shrugged and winked at him again. "Nothing important. Just experimented with your drinks at dinner a little bit."

The Doctor was silent at this admittance.

_That would explain a lot of things._

The bartender pushed the finished drinks towards them, then went off to tend to other customers. River picked hers up and took a sip while looking at him pointedly. The Doctor tapped his hand on the table and looked at the drink, an almost glowing blue liquid, disdainfully.

River put down her glass and slid his close to his hand, raising her eyebrows at him in expectation.

"No."

She gave him a questioning, yet firm look.

"I said no, River."

"Oh, but it wouldn't be fair if I was the only one who was drunk."

"You plan on getting drunk on our wedding night?"

"It's our second wedding night. Why not?"

"It takes a lot to get me drunk."

"I know. We might as well start." She nudged the glass against his fingers.

"_Fine_," the Doctor sighed with a roll of his eyes. "Just this once." He picked up the glass and took a sip. At first, he nearly choked at the taste, but then his tongue began to get used to it. Yes, he did like this flavor.

"There you go." River picked up her glass, and the two of them made eye contact, engaging in a silent competition to see who could down their drink first. The Doctor finished a second or two before she did, putting the glass down on the countertop with a contented sigh, then wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

River gave a little pout, then smiled. "I knew it! You do drink!"

"I haven't in a long time. I've never actually done it with this body."

"And how long have you had it?"

The Doctor shrugged. "A hundred years or so. Let's go dance!" He hopped off of the barstool and took River's hand, leading her back onto the dancefloor. He tried not to look at the people who were dancing in a completely different way.

The noise level suddenly dropped as the song came to an end, replaced with a slow song with a female singer. The Doctor found himself in a slow dancing position with River and he hadn't even thought about it. She smiled at him, curling her fingers with his.

"Are you enjoying your day?" the Doctor asked her, slowly swaying back and forth with her. He loved the slow, sensual way that her body moved.

"Of course I am, sweetie." River came close and locked her lips with his. Her mouth tasted of the drink she had just had. He nearly smirked at the fact that it was called First Kiss, but he didn't want to ruin it. He parted his lips a little and ran his tongue lightly over her lips. She breathed a sigh into his mouth, opening hers and letting him slip his tongue inside. The Doctor played his tongue over her teeth before delving farther inside. He tapped her tongue with his and tickled around the edges of her mouth. It was strange how she wasn't fighting him back, how she was letting him have complete control. River gave a little moan into his mouth and melted into his arms.

The Doctor pulled his tongue away to nibble gently at her upper lip, than her bottom one. River had her hands on his chest: his had fallen down to her hips. He pulled away slightly, panting with the lust that was beginning to spark deep in his veins. They shared an open-mouthed kiss, tongues flicking out to dip into the other's mouth and then pull back, the act teasing. River ran her hands over his chest and undid the first two buttons near his neck. The Doctor took her hands to stop her from continuing, breathing into her mouth, feeling heady from the scent of her.

_I could get drunk off of you, darling, _he told her mentally. His tongue licked across her bottom lip and he breathed in her scent deeply through his nose. _Oh, I certainly could. _He pulled back a little, kissed her, then kissed her again.

_Then maybe we should join those other couples that you seem to find so scandalizing._

The Doctor growled deep in his throat and his kiss turned rough. _Don't ruin the moment. _River was giggling a little under his mouth. Her hands escaped his grasp and she continued unbuttoning his shirt.

The Doctor managed to arch himself away from her while still kissing her, hands trying to find hers to get her to stop. Of course he wanted her. He couldn't deny that, but this wasn't the right place.

_No, _he thought firmly. _Not here._

_Come on… _River stopped unbuttoning his shirt and he relaxed a little, but her hands ran down lower, nails grazing the fabric of his trousers over his crotch. He jerked his head away from her and gasped.

"River!"

River smirked at him and grabbed his hand, pulling him away from the dance floor. "Let's get some more drinks."

"_River,_" the Doctor moaned. "You're going to try to get me drunk."

She didn't respond, only gave him a secretive smile and led him over to the bar.

* * *

><p>The Doctor gave a triumphant shout as he jumped on top of the bar, twirling his shirt over his head like some enthusiastic idiot with a campaign flag. Glasses shattered on the floor as they were knocked down by his dancing feet. He thought the customer were giving him incredulous looks, but it was difficult to tell. His vision was throbbing: clear, blurry, clear, blurry. There were strange colors everywhere and music that was pounding in his ears. He laughed and jumped off of the bar, running to the dance floor, shirt still swinging in his hand.<p>

"Woohoo!" The Doctor threw his hands up and swung his arms from side-to-side, shuffling up and down the dance floor. "Yeah!" He felt his left hand connect with something, but he didn't really care what it was. It might have been someone's face.

"Doctor!" He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked down at it in confusion. Who was touching him?

"Uh-huh?" He responded dumbly.

"You have to stop. We have to go home now."

"What?!" He had barely heard the voice over the music. He was still looking at the hand on his shoulder. Maybe _that _was what was talking.

_We have to go._

"Wow!" The Doctor reeled backwards, arms waving in front of him in an act of defense. Why was the hand's voice suddenly in his head.

_Doctor!_

He finally found the face of the person who was talking. He gave a big, open-mouthed grin and stumbled towards her.

"River…"

She grabbed him by the arm and began pulling him away from the dance floor.

"No! I'm not done!" He struggled towards the dance floor, but his legs were feeling weak. River was tugging on him insistently. "Help! Somebody help me!"

"Shut up, Doctor! We're leaving!"

"_No…_" he whined. "I want another drink." He waved his free arm towards the bar. And suddenly, he escaped, River's hands slipping off his arm. She shouted at him as he ran off into the crowd.

_Ooh, I have an idea. _The Doctor took his shirt, still dangling in one hand, and tied the sleeves loosely around his neck. He put his hands on his hips and nodded in satisfaction, then continued dancing. He jumped around and twirled.

_That was fun!_

He did another twirl, then another, and then he didn't stop. It was so much fun!

"Wheeee!"

The Doctor gave a surprised yelp as he suddenly tripped over his own feet and crashed to the floor.

"Hehe. Ow…"

"Doctor…" He heard River's disapproving voice above him.

"Who turned the world into a top? It won't stop spinning!" He banged his fists on the floor, and all of a sudden it felt like he was falling. He scrabbled uselessly at the floor. "River! River, help me! I'm falling off the world!"

"Get up!" River's hands were on his shoulders and she tugged him to his feet. The Doctor toppled into her, unsure of how to catch his balance. The world was dancing back and forth, just like the people in front of him. He waved one arm at them, wishing to join, but River was dragging him away again.

"Bartender!" he shouted as they neared the door. "Another Blue Mars Striker!"

"No!" River called over her shoulder. "We're leaving!" She pushed open the door and pulled the Doctor outside. He staggered after her, feet not working properly. They felt heavy.

"River, where are we going?" he asked. He took in a deep breath of the night air.

"Home." She suddenly stopped, and it took him a moment to realize why. The TARDIS, or whatever the hell it was called, was covered in paint and words that weren't very nice.

"Why'd they do that?" The Doctor stumbled over to it and jabbed his finger at the words: '_Fuck you, jerk.' _"That's not nice!" He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. "Who touched, Sexy?! I'm going to kill them!"

"Sweetie, we can wash it off later." River took a hold of him again and guided him inside.

"Is this my house?" the Doctor asked, looking around the room. The lights were so bright and colorful and he gave a little giggle. "I like it. It's bigger on the inside."

"Yes, now come on. Let's get you to bed."

The Doctor stamped his feet as River helped him up the stairs and then past the strange console in the center. She had shut the doors behind them. "But I'm not tired!"

"You've been at it for four hours. You must be tired."

"I'm not! Sexy! Sexy, don't let her put me to bed! Delete my bedroom for me!"

"Who the hell are you talking to?" River asked, still shoving him along. "Who's sexy?"

"The… The… thing…" The Doctor twirled his finger over his head in form of an explanation, at a loss for words. "The TRADSI."

"Doctor, it's called the TARDIS." River sounded annoyed.

"That too."

"I'm going to get you back for this," River said. "We're going to have a _real _wedding after party, okay?"

"It's _your _fault," he mumbled, jabbing a finger at her arm. "You made me take a drink."

River frowned.

"Alright. It was my fault."

"So no getting back at me."

River rolled her eyes. "Just do me a favor and go to bed."


	4. Bad Ideas

"Doctor, no! You're going to make me fat!" River whined, entering the TARDIS kitchen to find her husband standing at a counter and mixing something in a bowl with a whisk. A box of cookie mix sat nearby and he was wearing an apron that looked absolutely silly on him.

He just looked at her, then continued his mixing.

"I thought you would like a treat."

"You always give me treats."

"That's because you deserve them."

"And why is that?" River raised her eyebrows at him, placing her hands on her hips.

The Doctor paused in his mixing, looking at her.

"Well, um… Uh… I don't need an explanation for trying to be sweet!" His mixing continued much more vigorously. He slammed the bowl down in exasperation, turning his back to her, then facing her again. River laughed at his strange reaction.

"Oh, you look so cute when you're flustered, Doctor." River came close to him and dipped her finger in the bowl, bringing some cookie dough to her mouth.

"Don't eat that!" the Doctor exclaimed as she stuck her finger in her mouth. "There's uncooked egg in it! You'll get sick!"

"Mmm… You really are going to make me fat." River winked at him. "Is that your plan?"

"I'm not planning anything. I'm trying to make cookies." He placed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, thought you were going to make me fat and eat me," River said with a shrug. Oh, but it was so fun to tease her husband.

"Eat you? River, have you been reading fairy tales?" The Doctor grabbed the bowl and turned to the pan he had on the other counter.

"Hansel and Gretel," she responded. She watched his every movement as he began scooping the cookie dough onto the pan.

"I hate that one," he commented. "Makes me hungry."

"For children or cookies?"

"And why would the kids be that dumb?" he asked, ignoring her question. "Why would a witch want to eat children anyway? I've met witches before." He put the bowl, now empty, down, and went to grab the pan. "And none of them wanted to eat _me_."

"Surprising, given your childish nature."

The Doctor snorted. "You know very well that I'm not childish." He opened the oven and bent to put the pan in.

_What a nice arse you have, sweetie. _It was flaunted by the current position he was in.

Sliding the pan in, he closed the oven and turned to her, wiping his hands.

"There! Now to set a timer…" The Doctor went past River to one of the drawers and started rifling through it. "If I can remember where I put it."

"Why do _you _need a timer?" River asked. "You're a Time Lord."

"Bah. Timer's can be useful. I'm too lazy to rely on myself all the time." He slammed that drawer shut and went to another one. "Where did I put it?!"

"Now isn't a time to be lazy, Doctor." River smirked at him, though he still had his back turned. The man had no idea what she was up to.

"Why not? I can go read a book or something while those are baking." He slid the drawer closed and turned to face her, leaning back against the counter. "Why?"

"Books." River rolled her eyes. "Books can be so boring sometimes."

"But you like reading." He looked rather confused.

"Sometimes."

"And…?" The Doctor was looking at her questioningly. "What is it? Why did you come in here anyway?"

"Do I need a reason to want to see my husband?" She made her voice one hundred percent innocent.

"I suppose not, but you're River Song. You have reasons for everything."

"Yes." She sidled up to him, placing her hands on either side of the counter, trapping him between her arms. She smiled at him. "Yes, I do."

"River, timer…" He seemed to know what she was up to.

"We'll make it quick." She began untying his apron. "How long do cookies usually take?"

"Twenty five minutes," he said. He seemed a bit nervous for some reason. He licked his lips and met her eyes. "Timer."

"If you can get it with me after you." River winked at him and tossed the apron to the floor. She felt the Doctor tense up as she slid her hands down his chest and slid down onto her knees.

"Uh…"

"Why so reluctant, all of a sudden?" A tad confused at his reactions, but pleased with it nonetheless, River undid the button and zipper to his trousers, slid them down a bit along with his boxers. She dug her hand into his pants and he gasped, hips arching.

"Timer," he moaned as she pulled his clothes lower of his hips, letting his large, firm member spring free. "Don't want to-"

"Don't want to, what?" River asked, sliding a hand over the Doctor's cock. He grunted and tangled his fingers in her hair.

"Don't want to burn the cookies."

"You won't." She hesitated before opening her mouth and beginning to pull him in. She didn't always like doing this, but the Doctor enjoyed it thoroughly. She would do anything to make him happy.

The Doctor gasped as her lips came around him and thrust forward, hitting the back of her throat. River choked, tried pulling away as she was startled, but the Doctor had her hair gripped firmly in his fingers. He shoved her head forward till her nose was pressed against the soft patch of hair above his dick. She breathed heavily, trying to calm her throat and quell her gag reflex. She was used to taking him in slowly and adjusting, not getting suddenly fucked in the mouth. He usually let her take control when it came to this part, but the fact that he was taking over scared her a bit. Bad things could happen when the Doctor dropped his boundaries.

"Oh, _yes_," he groaned, eyes closing. One hand came loose from her hair and she heard it slap down against the counter. His hips jutted forward even more and she tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let her.

Becoming terribly uncomfortable, River grabbed his thighs and tried prying herself away from him, breathing heavily through her nose. The spit that was coming out of her mouth was creating such an undignified mess.

"I've always wanted to fuck you in the mouth, River," the Doctor said. He tugged her head back as he pulled away, and then came back in, bringing her along. River couldn't hold in the strangled noise that was made as he hit the back of her throat. He continued his onslaught for a good ten seconds, gasping and groaning. When he finally released her, River took in a large gulp of air and stumbled away from him.

"There we go." The Doctor knelt down on the tiled kitchen floor and reached for the apron. He used it to wipe the spit off her face. His eyes held a dark lust to them that scared her and turned her on all at the same time. "That wasn't so bad, was it, River?"

She didn't answer, and he didn't seem to mind. The Doctor cupped her face and tickled her lips with his tongue, then kissed her deeply. River took a hold of his shoulders as he brought the both of them up, body burning with lust and excitement.

The Doctor leaned her flat on her back against the counter and rested his weight against her, sticking a knee in between her legs and spreading them open. One hand left her face to stroke at her thigh, tongue dipping into her mouth.

River opened her mouth wider at the wonderful sensation of his fingers stroking her sensitive flesh, breathing out a sigh into the Doctor's mouth. The Doctor's other hand left her face to caress her throat and tilt her head back. He released his mouth and met her eyes, gasping with eagerness. He traced his fingers up her thigh and under her dress, caressed her gently over her knickers. River gasped at the teasing sensation and dug her hips into him, just as his other hand began to lower her dress to leave her chest bare.

"Naughty girl," he commented. "Not wearing a bra." She gave a cry as his hand smacked her left breast, then her right one, hips reaching out towards those teasing fingers.

"Wanted to surprise you," River gasped. She arched her back as he pinched and left nipple. His touch brought pain and pleasure, ever increasing the lust she felt for him. The hand in between her legs was still being agonizingly slow about its work.

"It certainly worked." He gave her breast a squeeze and began massaging it, his other hand finally pulling down her knickers. River lifted her feet to kick them off, and the Doctor grabbed her thighs, spreading her legs ever wider.

"How about we get to work? Don't want those cookies to burn."

River tossed her head with a moan as the Doctor began to enter her body. He moved slowly so she could get accustomed to him, stretching her, filling her. He breathed a moan of pleasure once he was fully sheathed and she let her voice join his.

He started slowly, his strokes deep, hitting her in the right spot every time. River gave a cry and looked into his eyes, finding that much of the lust she had seen had been replaced with love. She smiled as he continued, lifting her hands to twine her fingers with his. He pressed her hands back against the counter, grunting as he dug deeper into her.

"Faster, sweetie," River moaned, working her hips up to get the most out of his thrust. He gasped at the movement and quickly obeyed her demand, working himself in and out of her with a burning, pleasurable swiftness. The heat and friction of their naked skin nearly drove River mad and she tossed her head back and gave a pleased cry.

"Oh, River," the Doctor moaned. "River, River, River…" He trailed off, the utterance of her name turning into whimpers. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, clutching her hands tighter, quickening his pace.

River bucked into him as he did the same, the two meeting in a place of bliss that would lead to oblivion. Each breath was turning into a cry that she couldn't control.

They both screamed as River hit her climax, and she twisted into him, the sight behind her eyes going white, body lost in everything but the blinding pleasure. The Doctor grinded himself deep inside of her, waiting for her to ride out her high.

As her scream died away and left her panting, chest heaving, the Doctor continued his thrusting, hitting deep and hard. She opened her eyes to look at him, gasping. His teeth were gritted in pleasure and exertion, muscles taut as he worked in and out of her.

"How long left on those cookies?" she asked him quietly. They both released cries as he came down into her.

"No idea. We'll stop if we smell something burning." He moaned and began to speed up. The wetness where they both connected was starting to drive River crazy.

"Doctor, touch me, please," she gasped out. She needed his long, wonderful fingers to touch the part of her body that wouldn't stop throbbing.

The Doctor released her hands. His left one came down to grip her hip, his right went in between her legs were they kept crashing together. She moaned and cried when he touched her, moving up into him in a sinuous dance.

"Right here, darling?" he grunted, fingers running over her clit to match the pace of his hips.

"Yes, yes, yes!" River cried, tossing her head back and squeezing her eyes shut. "Yes!"

The Doctor released a scream of exertion and pleasure as he kept going, hand working at her clit. River could feel another orgasm building in her core and the base of her spine.

"A-Are you going to come this time, Doctor?" she panted. "Or do we have to keep at it?" Her words turned into cries as her climax rushed towards her, and she screamed from deep in her chest as it hit, blinding her to every sensation except for the ones that had created it. She felt faint and weak all of a sudden, like she was about to faint.

"Doctor…" she moaned once it passed.

"Oh, _River_." He hadn't even stopped pounding into her when he climax came. His hand was still working at her clit, and the pleasure was so intense that it almost felt like torture. She wanted him to stop, but she needed him all at the same time. He was thrusting into her harder and faster, probably close to his own high.

A crisp odor suddenly hit River's nose, and her foggy mind took a bit to figure it out.

"Doctor!" she cried. "Cookies!"

"Yes, they're burning! I know! _Ah!_" He had his head thrown back, and both his hands were holding her against the counter as he pounded into her harder and faster.

_Oh, I'm really going to faint this time. _She felt _another _orgasm, building, just as the Doctor was reaching his. And she could still smell those cookies burning. It was such a strange setting.

The Doctor screamed loudly as he released and throbbed into her. River arched her hips into him, walls convulsing around him. They held each other in that heated, agonizing connection for a few seconds. The Doctor shoved himself deeper as he reached the peak of his orgasm, voice increasing in volume. River couldn't even make a sound. Pleasure was cascading through her in waves, tightening her muscles and curling her toes.

Finally, the Doctor released her with a grunt and a heavy sigh. She felt empty, but satisfied as he pulled out of her, falling back against the opposite counter. He was panting, sweat beading on his forehead.

He swept his hair out of his eyes. "So, let's check on those cookies." He fixed his trousers, hands a bit shaky. River didn't have the strength at the moment to move from the counter. She just lay there and watched him as he opened the oven. Smoke poured out and into the kitchen.

The Doctor choked and waved it out of his face, quickly moving to shut the oven off and pull out the pan. At first River panicked, but then she remembered that touching hot metal wouldn't burn him if he was on his guard. He threw the pan down onto the stove and grabbed a towel, trying to wave the smoke out of the oven.

"This was a bad idea!" he called to her.

River slowly began straightening her dress. "The sex or the cookies?"

"I don't know!" He slammed the oven shut, the smoke beginning to waft around the ceiling. He frowned at it. "The cookies would have turned out good if it wasn't for the sex, but who needs cookies when you have sex?" He seemed flustered by the idea. He looked over at her, one breast still uncovered. "Would you like to do it again?"

River slid off the counter and landed on shaky legs. She chuckled. "Yeah, right. You clean up this mess. I need a nap." She left the room on wobbly legs, the smell of burnt cookies falling her down the hallway.


End file.
